When an artist becomes a scientist, and then, a wizard

it is with great satisfaction that i report the near-finish of my first semester of college with straight A's and an entirely more fulsome (and fascinating) aspiration- to become an electrical engineer.

its a very interesting experience, to be the person that i am, walking into this sort of world. electronics have fascinated me my whole life, but i was always frightened of it. and a scientific pursuit never occurred to me, in a million years. i had studied surveying for a brief time at a tech school, but the only other serious aspiration i ever pursued (that one would need a degree for) was french translation. art and the sheer act of creating always had a higher pull on me and always made it easy for me to just throw the conventional path aside and frankly i PREFERRED learning on my own. i always figured that i would just be an idiot savant for the rest of my life, an autodidact who learned in her own way, who pursued many paths but never strayed too far into the scientific realm.

so it is with great interest that i find out how INTERESTING and BIZARRE the world of technology and especially electronics is. i am delighted to learn that no one really KNOWS what current is, or why a transistor works. all engineers and scientists know is how current behaves. they know that a transistor can amplify. but they don't know why. they can only hypothesize and direct it.

and the fact that current is present everywhere, even within our bodies, can be somewhat tamed and observed reliably, does not diminish the weirdness of harnessing a mysterious force. and of course, the SOUNDS- the sounds are of prime importance. i could very well see focusing on sound exclusively, and the building of both sound and visual instruments has been on my mind for some time now. it is what pushed me into this field.

when i look at the trajectory, i realize that the BBC Radiophonic Workshop and to an even greater degree, Broadcast, had everything to do with this bend in my aesthetics. combining the pastoral, the spooky and the electronic into one really upended much of where i was before then. there was this since of wanting to live in the past that i have completely abandoned. there is this realization that the new does not have to leave behind the past, and can combine with a wholly psychedelic future. that really led to me embracing technology in a way that is almost childlike. the fact that i became married to my laptop since i started making films didn't hurt either. i realized that things were possible that my archaic aesthetics had never considered before. that, while i may have wanted to live in 1966, i couldn't have done nearly what i had accomplished artistically in those days that i could now. all of that led into discovering a treasure trove of electronic (NOT HOUSE, or TECHNO) music, and that led into wanting to build instruments, learning about circuit bending, and then signing up for an electronics certificate, and then really finding out what it means to be an engineer and work with truly mysterious, yet concrete forces.

in our lab one day in school, we made a two tone oscillator. it just brought it all home for me like a ton of bricks. hearing those tones emanating out of all those breadboards delighted me. i heard the silver apples and broadcast and stereolab in those tones. even watching the humble LED's light up when you wire something right makes me reel with delight. HERE is something that you can sink your teeth into. this isn't like parapsychology or the occult or literature or art. it isn't speculative. it isn't abstract. it is a mound of immutable laws wrapped in riddles. it is a toy that you can play with, a color you can paint with. it makes sound and it can make things light up. it can detect and spin and do what you tell it, when you speak its language. and its language is in resistors and ohm's law and potentiometers and schematics. its a SCIENCE, and science can be an art- but art cannot be a science. it can only be informed and shaped by science. art is all variables, all possibilities. if a circuit were purely art, it could not transmit its information. there is an exactitude, a sense of having to work on the Force's terms, which i find intoxicating. i have to be BENT into that shape. i can't just flow around it and "intuit" it. it demands study and everything done correctly. but when you do that, you can create something completely unique, and truly artistic.

"Tears in the Typing Pool"- NEW BROADCAST VIDEO

the guilt i have been feeling regarding my 6 months of broadcast-video-drought has been rather painful for me. it hasn't been as if i have laid about and done sweet F.A., for i have been extremely busy working and moving and doing many shows. but still it nagged at me. i hate setting out to do something - especially something in tribute- and then failing. I have resolved to get back on the horse and ALWAYS have one that I am working on, even if i only work on it for a half hour a week. so that is why i not only finished this one, i also am nearly finished with a video for "Lights Out", which should be posted at the end of the week.

Really proud of this one, as I vowed to use NO fx, no fancy transitions, and keep it simple, as befits the song. its one of my favorites and its quite melancholy and reminds me of very sad times in my life. I think it was easy to do this time because my life is NOT sad, thereby making it easier for me to connect with the source footage ("The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner", great film).

I am just happy to be doing what i say i will do, at last, again. Watch it here.

Apologies

I am really quite sad that the blog and my video channel have completely gotten out from under me. It isn't for lack of creativity, as I am busier than ever, but the solitary pursuits like the Broadcast project and the studies have been totally neglected. I have only made one new mix in 6 months. That's what happens when you have shows almost every weekend and are trying to create content to keep up with it all.

I fondly think back to the 8 months I had where all I seemed to do was take long walks, spend all evening working on whatever I chose, and had a normal job. Normality is quite derided. But I value it more and more as only someone who has spent so much of their life living the uncertain artists' life. Regular hours can be good for the soul. Too much of anything- be it wacky artsy unpredictability or stultifying regularity- is too much.

I think I have gotten myself to a point where I can begin the personal projects again. I will be starting school in late August, and that shall be a special priority. But before then I really want to get back in that groove. My own personal creative stuff makes me just as happy as the public, and I miss it. SO before the end of the week there shall be some new stuff on this blog, the channel, or both. I don't humor myself into thinking too many care, but at least if I write it down this way then there is the shame factor of the public statement. One must follow through. And no shows this weekend. It will practically be a vacation.

Study Number 5- Dark Office

A long time coming, but I have a good excuse, moving cross the country and whatnot.

This is the 5th study and a labor of love that started months ago. I wanted to somehow visually and sonically elucidate my love of nighttime office architecture, old archaic mainframe machines, and electronic soundscapes. That led me to making dozens and dozens of new clips and create an entirely new sort of working esthetic that somehow left the actual creation of the study as secondary. I have been swimming in old electronics advertisements, abandoned office footage, and various other vintage admin ephemera for months. This is the result. Download the study in its entirety (with cd artwork, track listings, and five minute visual loop and instructions) here. Comments are welcome.

a certain AESTHETIC weariness

i am finding myself undergoing great changes. i am unexpectedly weary of things i used to love, and in love with things that never had occurred to me. it keeps coming on, growing into its own zeitgeist. there are all these repercussions and ripples hitting me at odd angles.

i am finding the self-consciously retro scenes that i used to adore now bore me. there is a missing dimension. there's an asshandedness to it all. in certain scenes girls wear certain things. there is a "look". and while i may LOVE the look, the concept of reproduction in that respect is what i am finding less affinity with. there are many many other dimensions and shades and discoveries that shine far brighter than a second-hand reproduction of something you weren't there for. my mind feels like a Brite-Lite, in the midst of a changing picture, and the combined light of all those discoveries makes strange new colors. all the lights are on.

Telephony-66

My favorite number is 66. My favorite year is 1966. Growing up, I had a weird fascination with the telephone and tore out the page from our phone book that contained all the country and city codes, and learned which numbers I could call where I could hear the "this call cannot be completed" prerecorded messages (ala Kraftwerk's "The Telephone Call").

Last year upon mentioning this blog idea to a techy friend of mine who knew my fascination with the number of 66, he told me about this:

(from wikipedia)

A 66 block (also M-Block or B-Block) is a type of punchdown block used to connect sets of wires in a telephone system. 66 blocks are designed to terminate 22 through 26 AWG solid copper wire.

The 25-pair standard non-split 66 Block contains 50 rows; each row has four columns of clips that are electrically bonded.

The 25-pair "Split 50" 66 Block is the industry standard for easy termination of voice cabling, and is a standard network termination by telephone companies–generally on commercial properties. Each row contains four clips, but the left two clips are electrically isolated from the right two clips.

66 blocks pre-assembled with an RJ-21 female connector are available that accept a quick connection to a 25-pair cable with a male end. These connections are typically made between the block and the CPE (customer premise equipment).

Its a weird world.

Winter Radio Show-"Snow Shadow Area"

"Vanishing Point", a Canadian radio show from the early 1980's, is perhaps the highest quality OTR show that I have ever heard. Its worth it to visit the Archive and download them all. Each one I have heard distinguishes itself immediately with its lack of bombast, its unusual plot twists, and the dated electronic incidental music.

This episode, "Snow Shadow Area", in hands down the creepiest show I have ever heard. This one is perfect for a dreary evening, but I warn you, it really will frighten you. This isn't the ordinary crime drama you find so often with OTR. Its thoughtful, quiet, and unsettling. Winter is painted in very sinister, disturbing tones. Its very much like "The Shining" in that winter and snow are almost a character in the unfolding nightmare. Surreal and enveloping, unexpected and unsettling. This is not comical or overblown like "Inner Sanctum". It isn't melodramatic. Its like a fever dream. Download it here.